i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
