i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
