Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I deserve this hangover.
I came so hard my ears popped.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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