ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
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