she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
