she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
