I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
