You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
