Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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