Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
