I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
