I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I've blown a few things in my day
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
