Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
