who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
