at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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