u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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