I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
