It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
