and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
