I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
