The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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