just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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