Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
