I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
