Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
