if only i could text you this smell
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
