I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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