Jerry, you need to find god
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
