I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
