She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
