another moral hangover. fuck.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
