Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
