I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
