last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
