How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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