No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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