through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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