Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
