DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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