My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
