True but thats because hes a fetus.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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