i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
