At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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