The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
