I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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