I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
