why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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