Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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