dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
porn star boner night. come get it.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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