He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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